Monday, January 3, 2011


Blasé should rhyme with lazy. Just saying.

I'm kind of feeling a little...disappointed in myself. There are so many things I want to do, and for some reason I am at a block. I know I am being lazy. I am also being a perfectionist by procrastinating. I feel like I cannot work on something until I am in the perfect situation to do so. I have no sense of urgency.

What do I do?

I'm also feeling kind of lonely. Being up here alone would do that. I miss home. There's no place like home.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Trying to Settle

So today was another day of getting my new place ready. Last night I slept at the desk in my office (head on desk, sitting in chair). I am so shocked that I actually slept. I was able to sleep for probably about four hours. Unbelievable. Unbelievable that I was able to do it. Unbelieveable that I had to do it. After awakening, I cleaned the bathroom and got ready for the day.

First things first. What are these bugs? Well, I realized it was only one bug. I came in on Thursday and saw the bug on the mattress. I didn't have any cleaning supplies and I realized it was dead, so I just left it. I was just coming in to figure out how I might organize things. Then yesterday I saw it again, but I forgot I hadn't disposed of it already. So I thought there were two. Second, I discovered that it was a pill millipede. So I hadn't actually seen any bed bugs; just one, singular millipede. Anyway, I still had a few red smears on my bed, so it's still possible that I may have bed bugs. At least that is what the helpful lady at Home Depot said. She was so funny. I asked her: "Excuse me. Could I speak to somebody about pest control?" and she replied: "What are you trying to get rid of?" She reminded me of Dr. Bailey from Grey's Anatomy (if she worked at Home Depot in the pest control department). Anyway, I sprayed my mattress and boxspring with something designed specifically for bed bugs, and I covered them both with vinyl mattress protectors (along with my pillow). Hopefully, this was all unnecessary.

Yup. That was pretty much my day. It's amazing how much time this all took. Right now I'm just a bit overwhelmed with the amount of things I own. I mean...I guess it isn't so bad. The bedroom is pretty empty because I didn't want to move anything into it until I sprayed and took care of the situation. So everything is pretty much in the office and hallway. There are so many surfaces left to clean! Oy! But I've only been here two days. And yesterday didn't really count because I spent most of the day at my old apartment packing.

Oh! That reminds me. Yesterday I finished packing and finally was rid of my basement apartment! So I did the final walk-through with my landlady. I paid $387.50 for the security deposit for the apartment, and as we finished the walk-through my landlady told me she was going to have to take some money from it to have the apartment professionally cleaned. WHAT? Apparently, the floors by the stairs needed to be scrubbed. Now, I was furious inside (calm outside). My mother and I had spent a week scrubbing the floors when I moved in because it was so filthy. There was grunge over all the floors. I told her the apartment is a thousand times cleaner than the way I got it when I moved in, and reminded her how long it took me to clean. I was just so astonished that she would say that. Unbe-freakin-lievale. She came around and is going to give me my full security deposit back. The apartment was not legal (remember, exposed electrical, no oven, etc.) so I would've reported her if she hadn't agreed to give me the full security deposit back. But if I don't get it within a week I'll be wicked upset. WICKED upset.

Pardon that tangent. The direction I was going in was how overwhelmed I am feeling. I grew up and went to college in the South, but moved to the Mid-Atlantic for a job before applying to graduate school (I'm 23 years old) so sometimes I think it might be easier to just pack up and move back home to live with my parents. I miss my family and my hometown so much. Back home, people had heart. It seems like everyone here is empty inside. How easy it would be to go home. And sometimes I think about how nice it would be to go home, and it reassures me to think that I could always go home if I wanted to. It's nice to think about, but I know I can't quit. Well...I can. But I really really really don't want to. And when I go through this process, I can be proud of myself for going through all of this. I mean, this is an amazing journey. Growing up, moving away from home, and trying to exist in a world that is far different from your own. Did I mention being alone/lonely?

Here is what I'm listening to now. I like this song. It always reminds me of Bristol Palin. I think she danced to it on Dancing with the Stars, but I'm not sure. Here it is.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year?

So 2011 is starting off a little rough for me. I had so many great plans and high hopes for the year to have a great amazing spectacular start to the new year.

1. New place to live
I moved out of my crumby basement apartment (think dampness, exposed wires, and scary mutant crickets) into a house with people who work at the same place as me. Today, though, I found a bug that is a bit similar to what the Internet says a bed bug looks like. I'm an optimist, so I believe it's just similar (not the same). My objective is to catch one and bring it to an exterminator. Until then, I am sleeping in a chair in another room.

2. New diet
I've been eating terribly the last two months, and now my weight has skyrocketed to 290.0 pounds. I'm a 6'1" tall man, so my goal weight is 210.0 pounds. For those unwilling to do the math, that is 80 pounds I have to lose. Today I started Weight Watchers (again^143) and did pretty well considering I had to move out of my apartment alone today. I'm allowing myself 30 Weight Watchers Points per day. By about 9:00PM I had eaten 18 points, but then I realized I might have a bed bug issue and decided to eat candy without counting the Points. More on this diet later.

3. New to do list
Yeah. I've had things on my to do list for...honestly...8 months. After 8 months, I still haven't finished things? Gee whiz. I wanted to be finished, but alas, here I am.

Okay. This is not a great start. In this blog I sound negative and lazy. I am usually (90% of the time) a very optimistic and hardworking person. But I'm in a mood. Mostly because I've worked so hard today on moving, exerted myself mentally and physically, and at the end of the day have to sleep in a chair because of the catastrophic bug issues.

By the this blog I am being completely honest. I don't expect anyone to read it, so I am saying everything I'm thinking. Well, not everything. But most of it. Or a good portion at the least.

I'm going to work on unpacking a bit perhaps and try to make it to daylight. This is the song I have stuck in my head right now. Enjoy! Happy New Year!